Welcome to tomthinking.com Friday, October 19 2018 @ 03:58 PM UTC

It's Okay To Look At Other Women

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Normally, I think the Prager University videos are spot on. They contribute something significant and valuable to understanding politics, society, and religion. However, Prager's latest video about men looking at other women is not only off the mark, its downright wrong. Take a few minutes to watch this video, then read below.

https://youtu.be/dlZsGpWJmos

Of this issue, Prager notes that looking at other women makes the wife feel threatened. This has three components that she thinks her spouse is thinking that

  1. The other woman is more attractive than her
  2. Her husband is dissatisfied with her, and
  3. He thinks about the other woman after the other woman is gone

Prager then goes on to excuse this by saying:

  • It doesn't matter, and 
  • So what

It doesn't matter? So what? It's at this point that Prager loses all credibility on this subject. He brushes off the woman's feelings and then excuses the man's behavior as normal because, "He still wants you."

Yes, it's normal for guys to look at other women. But that doesn't make it right or justifiable.

Saying that "He wants you" doesn't remove the fact that he may also want the other women he sees. Prager seems to forget that for the male, seeing is equated with wanting. He may not want a another specific woman by name. But his looking indicates the desire of wanting. Jesus spoke about this very plainly when he said, "Everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart" (Matthew 5:28).

It's one thing to say these things about women in bikinis. But does Prager's argument apply to pornography? And why not? Men are looking at other women. The whole issue is an issue of wanting, which the Bible equates with lust (a sin), whether she's dressed or naked. For the man the issue is still the same: wanting. For the women the issue is the same, but even stronger: fear of rejection, fostering distrust, and hurt. It's like the old story of a man looking at another woman and saying to his wife, "It doesn't mean anything;" forgetting that it means something to her.

Prager's argument that:

  • He's not comparing them with you, and
  • He's not in any way becoming dissatisfied with you, and
  • He's not thinking of them later

Is simply false. Even if this were true, it would not make his looking permissible behavior. Men compare women all the time. A husband may not be dissatisfied with his wife, but that doesn't mean he wouldn't like to make a few changes. And no, he's probably not thinking of the same woman later (unless he knows her). But the looking continues and so does the wanting.

The big problem with all of this is that, as Prager rightly points out, men seem hardwired to look at other women. He dismisses this as harmless—but it's not harmless. So, on one hand the man has to control himself while his wife needs to keep him interested. That's not sexist, that's just the human condition. The man should not brush off his wife's hurt as if his actions don't mean anything and the woman should not forget that Prager is right about one thing, he really does want you. But none of this excuses the man's behavior.

Guys, stop looking. It may be next to impossible, but stop it anyway. Don't put yourself in a position where you can't prevent the looking. Remember, when your wife catches you looking, repeatedly, or for long lengths of time, you are hurting her, sowing distrust. Surely, if you love your wife you will want to avoid that like the plague.